i never imagine that some of my friends do visit this blog and give some comments on it...thanks guys...
actually, i am the one who asked you guys to do that...haha...(perasan!!)
whatever it is...dear tomodachi, honto ni arigatou!!

these few days, syikin and i have been suffering from 'jdorama' and 'kdrama' fever...baaka!!
we've been downloading korean series and jdorama (for me) like heaven!!
maybe we just need some break after a hectic week...(though i rest more than i work...huhu)

i kind of fall in love with jdorama since before...
i think it started during my schooldays...secondary 1 or 2...
from with love and ice world (yutaka takenouchi), gto (takeshi sorimachi), narita divorce, anchor woman, power office girls n many more...(i couldn't really remember)...
then, oni-chan started to download from d.addicts...
that was when i started admiring kimura-kun...
he acted in hero, engine, good luck, pride, long vacation, beautiful life, a sleeping forest...
he's so cool man...he got style...huhu
now, i kinda in love with juni-kun...
i first noticed him in gokusen...kawaii ne...
then, i traced him down in hana yori dango, hana yori dango 2, kindaichi shonen no jikembo and kimi wa petto...
hmm...kimura-kun is still hotter than him but...juni-kun is much younger n much taller than kimura-kun...(that's important...huhu)
juni-kun n kimura-kun share one similarity...they are both singers...juni-kun from arashi while kimura-kun from smap...
other favourites: takeshi kaneshiro

right now, i have been dwelling myself in kdrama...
what i dislike about kdrama is that most stories have the same theme and storyline...
what's obvious is that...most of them are love stories (i love 'love story'...wink2^^)
they have longer episodes that jdorama...
provided i prefer japanese languange than the korean...
korean language is a bit harder for me...huhu
i have only watched several kdramas...love story in harvard, full house, save your last dance for me, all about eve, summer scent...and some more series that i don't really remember...
favourites: won bin, kim rae won

i think it's all for now...
this is a crappy entry...
honto ni sumi masen!!
janne!!

holidays have come to the end...
dakara, my normal routine for the past six weeks start again...
i think i'm not happy but somehow i'm happy for that...confusing right?...baaka!!
i don't know what to write actually...
the mood for blogging hasn't come yet...
this entry is the result of off-task behaviour during my educ 260 writing time...
ahh...doshite?? malasanism melanda lagi...ku tewas...

hmmm...it has been a long time since the first time i thought of posting this entry...
but, it was just recently that i managed to carry out some surveys among my friends...
and...below is the report for the study...

statement of the problem:
i am confused for who i am...
ppl say that we don't really know and understand ourself...
yet, our friends are the best mirror...

purpose of the study:
to know what kind of person i am from ppl's perspectives...

limitation of the study:
since this question involve ppl's heart, i'm not pretty sure with their answers...
some may tend to exaggerate, some may tend to "jaga hati", some may tend to "x sampai hati nak tulis my weakness"...
therefore, the results from this study are not to be generalized as no measures are taken to determine the reliability of the answers...

methodology:
(1) participants - my good friends
(2) procedures - ask them to answer the question "list 5 things you like and hate about me" through friendster and send it back to my email

results:
part 1

.::fatin says::.
5 bende i suke:
1. can really understand people
2. rajin
3. can be trusted
4. selalu ingat kat kawan
5. know how to take care of others feelings

.::fina says::.
+ve:
1-disiplin n ready to be linean sometime (so it's good!)
2-matured
3-not emosional
4-neat n tidy
5-soft spoken (xkasar la maksudnya)

.::riza says::.
5 kebaikan you:
1. organized
2. punctual
3. responsible
4. rational
5. rajin lah ape lagi

.::salina says::.
what i lyk about you:
1. pendirian tetap
2. pandai jaga ati
3. OMG...lupa....RAJIN!!!!!

.::syikin says::.
5 things i like about you:
1. you are a well organized person, manipulative, witty + sarcastic
2. you taught me many things, independent
3. matured and look calm though sometimes you are not
4. smart and hardworking
5. i feel comfortable being with you though sometimes i feel inferior

part 2

.::fatin says::.
benda i x suke:
1. x paham you perli ke wat lawak
2. can know your face kalau you tgh marah atau malas nak layan i

.::fina says::.
-ve:
1-hard to judge what's inside (=hard to understand n predict u)
2-because u are neat n tidy, it scared me whenever i was at ur place = afraid if i termess ur katil n terkotor kan tempat u
3-kata tak kisah when people kacau ur place....but did not show like u really mean it (so,i selalu sedar diri though i buat lain...he.he)
4-play safe too much
5-.........can't think at the moment, maybe takde kut....

.::riza says::.
your weaknesses:
1. you x suke amik risk
2. just follow with the flow
3. discreet about yourself
4. afraid to be hurt
5. you are very rigid with yourself

.::salina says::.
what i hate (its not hate act..its "i dun reli lyk" about you:
1. sarcastic(ni kalo kenakan jen i lyk tp if kenakan i..i dun lyk!hehe~!)
2. suka sokong jen if i ngan fatin nk kenakan dia(sgt merosakkan our plan!)

.::syikin says::.
things i hate about you:
(1)it's hard to tell what u r thinking sometimes.. aku xto klo kau marah ka x ske ka penat ka..erm??
(2) kta 2 ni asyik d0k kat umah ja, u plak asyik tperuk dlm bilik ja, kiranya kta ni cam katak bwh tempurung, kau plak cam org yg kn kurung...wakaka~tpi bkn nya kn kurung pn, mengurungkan diri gamak nya
(ayat ni buleh diinterpret sebagai : aku suke terperuk dlm bilik n rumah)

discussion and implications:
in order to determine the validity of this study, you have to be my friend...
you will either agree with those results or disagree with them totally...
perhaps, you could help to add more variety to the answers...

conclusion:
diriku sekadar merepek di sini...
tiada niat untuk menjaja diri mahupun mencari publisiti murahan...
kerana,
ini adalah blogku...
sukati aku la nak buat ape...huhu...(kekasaran bahasa amat dikesali...maaf dari lubuk hati)

note: dikala assignment educ260 ku masih terbengkalai...ku masih sempat membuat entry ini...apekah??

cincin emas putih itu,
hadiah pertamaku buatmu,
sempena hari ibu.

cincin emas putih itu,
selalu tersemat di jarimu,
buatku terharu.

cincin emas putih itu,
terlalu utuh di jarimu,
lantas diambil pun tak mampu.

cincin emas putih itu,
turut mencipta sejarah baru,
detik cemas dalam dirimu.

cincin emas putih itu,
jadi punca deritamu,
jadi igauan tragedi itu.

cincin emas putih itu,
kini disimpan tak perlu,
usir saja dari hidupmu.

namun hanya satu pintaku,
walau cincin emas putih itu
telah jauh dari hidupmu,
ingatan padaku jangan pernah layu.

ku sayang kamu.....

i dreamt about Karl again...
plus this one, i'm not sure how many times i have ever dreamt about that person...
i just wonder why that person should be in my dream...kacau je...
i don't think i think about that person...hmmm, ntahla...
maybe that person has a super power that he could always interfere in my sleep...haha...
but, dreaming about him will always make me wake up from sleep...shock maybe...bongek je...
let's forget about my bengongness dream...malas nak fikir byk2...(ckp je...though i still couldn't stop thinking of the rationale of he being in my dream for these 2 years) ...x puas hati tol...hmm

okay, let's talk about what happened during this easter holidays...
you know, this two weeks really special...
we ate special dishes almost everyday...hmm...best2...
listed below are among my 'activities' drg this hibernation week...

06/04 - netball practice for MASCA games.

07/04 - hibernation day.

08/04 - MASCA games @ Uni of Sydney.

09/04 - hibernation day. (menu: nasi ayam *by mia)

10/04 - blue mountain trip. (menu: nasi goreng *by me + sandwiches *by syikin + zai and syal's bday cake *by zai and syal + fried meehun AU *by mia)

11/04 - hibernation day. (menu: ayam masak merah *by syikin + kailan goreng *by me)

12/04 - hibernation day. (menu: vege meal *by mia and venisha + karipap AU *by me and syikin + popia goreng + macaroni *both by zai)

13/04 - macquarie centre - groceries shopping (menu: sayur masak lemak + telur dadar *both by me + sambal tumis *by syikin)

14/04 - hibernation day. (menu: vege meal + masalavadey *all by mia n venisha + chocolate cake + kek batik *both by me and syikin)

15/04 - picnic@macquarie lake. (menu: fried meehun AU *by syikin + popia AU *by me + sandwiches *by mia + potato chips *by guys,syira,tiha and us + grapes *by us + soft drinks *by wan,syira,tiha and us + cookies *by lisa n aimi + rempeyek *by ida + fried rice *by izzat + baked macaroni *by zai + nasi beriani *by mia)

16/04 - fasting day. (menu: sayur paprik + sayur campur *both by fatin + kangkung belacan + sardin *both by syikin + donut AU *by me...huhu...first time nih)

17/04 - hibernation day. (menu: nasi lemak AU + mee jawa AU *both by venisha)

hmmm...sounds interesting right...
i don't care if you don't feel the same with me because i'm very happy to have all those things during my stay here...
i feel at home...thanks dear friend coz make me feel at home...
let us try many more dishes...gambatte ne!!

note: i hibernate more than i go out...refer my previous entry on desperate housewife...huhu

last saturday, i called my mom...
this is not something special for me because i do call my mom every two or three days...just reporting what's happening here...
after all, i am a volunteered reporter for my mom...huhu...
actually, it is not so much of reporting what's happening here, enquiring what's happening there...it is more of listening her voice...the babies voice...whom i missed so much...

because i call my mom so frequently...it turn out that we always talk about the same things or issues everytime...
these are the common questions / sentences during the phone conversation:

my dialogue: "assalamualaikum. mak sihat? mak tgh buat ape tu? mak dah makan ke? masak ape ari ni?(note: slalu mak yg tanya anak soalan2 camni...ni, aku yg tanya mak aku...sape mak sape anak ni?...huhu) mak x pegi kebun ke?. ari ni ina masak bla...bla...bla... td ina pegi bla...bla...bla... mak tau x, td ina buat bla...bla...bla... ina dah pandai buat karipap...ina dah pandai buat donut...ina dah pandai buat keria... bla...bla...bla... mak, camne nak buat bla...bla...bla...ek? kne letak ape ek? mak, ina nak balik tau hujung taun ni. mak x yah dtg sini tau. sini bkn ade pape pun. mak, afiq mane? dah balik sekolah ke? die blaja camne? die malas x? mak, iman mane? nafis mane? naqib mane? panggil dorg. ina nak cakap. mak, abah mane? g medang ek (note: medang = minum2 di warung kopi). lama x cakap ngan abah. mak, ape cerita terbaru? iboy dah nak kawin ek mak? suruh die tunggu ina balik tau. mak itu...mak ini..." (penatnye...byk cakap rupenye aku ni...huhu)

mom's response: "waalaikumsalam. mak sihat. ina sihat? mak tgh bace paper/kemas rumah/tgk tv. malam x masak. slalu mmg x masak mlm2. ikut la. nanti dorg pegi pasar ke, afiq bli makanan pape ke. mak slalu makan biskut je. (note: mak aku diet ke?) owh, buat kuih bla...bla...bla... bagus la. ajar la mak. bagi la resepi. (note: mak buat gaya fake sbb mak tau je nak buat camne...konon2 nak buat aku bangga ajar die buat itu buat ini). (...mak pun melayan aku bercerita...)(...tetiba mak cam x bermaya memberi response...)

my dialogue: "mak ni, x excited pun ina telefon... mesti mak busan ina call hari2...
okla...kirim salam kat sume ek...assalamualaikum"

mom's response: "waalaikumsalam"

after the conversation ends...i thought of not calling my mom dat frequently anymore...mayb once a week...i, determined!!

but, after few days...i can't resist the tempation of calling my mom...
i just don't want to miss any moments that i have...the opportunties to hear her voice...the opportunities to talk to her...to share with her...to be with her...
because i don't want to waste any opportunities given by God...i don't want to miss a thing...i don't want to regret...
therefore, it doesn't matter if we talked about useless things...if she's not excited...if she's bored...because i don't want to miss a thing...because i love her...

>>>>>to abah<<<<<
sorry for not talking to you like i did with mom...
i don't know what to say to you...i have no idea what to talk about...
it's not because i don't miss you like i miss mom...
i love you...i did mention in my letter right!!

you know, when you called me that day...i'm so excited...
when you called me, i know it's not so much because you want to talk to me...
it's because you want to spend your 100myr credit rite (that's what you said)
but i know...you did miss me...a bit...
because i do miss u too...(though i think i'm not)

u know how i found out that i miss you.....
because right after we ended the conversation.....i laid on my bed.....and i cried...

Suatu hari, seorang anak bertanya kepada ibunya, "Ibu, mengapa ibu menangis?"
Ibunya menjawab, "Sebab ibu adalah perempuan, nak." "Saya tidak mengerti ibu," kata si anak. Ibunya hanya tersenyum dan memeluknya erat. "Nak, kau memang tak akan mengerti…"

Kemudian si anak bertanya kepada ayahnya. "Ayah, mengapa ibu menangis?" "Ibumu menangis tanpa sebab yang jelas," sang ayah menjawab. "Semua perempuan memang sering menangis tanpa alasan."

Si anak membesar menjadi remaja, dan dia tetap terus bertanya-tanya, mengapa perempuan menangis? Hingga pada suatu malam, dia bermimpi dan bertanya kepada Tuhan, "Ya Allah, mengapa perempuan mudah menangis?" Dalam mimpinya dia merasa seolah-olah mendengar jawapannya:

"Saat Ku ciptakan wanita, Aku membuatnya menjadi sangat utama. Kuciptakan bahunya, agar mampu menahan seluruh beban dunia dan isinya, walaupun juga bahu itu harus cukup nyaman dan lembut untuk menahan kepala bayi yang sedang tertidur.

"Kuberikan wanita kekuatan untuk dapat melahirkan bayi dari rahimnya, walau kerap berulangkali menerima cerca dari si bayi itu apabila dia telah membesar.

"Kuberikan keperkasaan yang akan membuatnya tetap bertahan, pantang menyerah saat semua orang sudah putus asa.

"Ku berikan kesabaran jiwa untuk merawat keluarganya walau dia sendiri letih, walau sakit, walau penat, tanpa berkeluh kesah.

"Kuberikan wanita perasaan peka dan kasih sayang untuk mencintai semua anaknya dalam apa jua keadaan dan situasi. Walau acapkali anak-anaknya itu melukai perasaan dan hatinya. Perasaan ini pula yang akan memberikan kehangatan pada anak- anak yang mengantuk menahan lelap. Sentuhan inilah yang akan memberikan kenyamanan saat didakap dengan lembut olehnya.

"Kuberikan wanita kekuatan untuk membimbing suaminya melalui masa-masa sukar dan menjadi pelindung baginya. Sebab bukannya tulang rusuk yang melindungi setiap hati dan jantung agar tak terkoyak.

"Kuberikan kepadanya kebijaksanaan dan kemampuan untuk memberikan pengertian dan menyedarkan bahawa suami yang baik adalah yang tidak pernah melukai isterinya. Walau seringkali pula kebijaksanaan itu akan menguji setiap kesetiaan yang diberikan kepada suami agar tetap berdiri sejajar, saling melengkapi dan saling menyayangi.

"Dan akhirnya, Kuberikan wanita air mata, agar dapat mencurahkan perasaannya. Inilah yang khusus kepada wanita, agar dapat dia gunakan bila-bila masa pun dia inginkan. Ini bukan kelemahan bagi wanita, kerana sebenarnya air mata ini adalah "air mata kehidupan."

Inilah dia rahsia as-solat, sebagai peringatan bagi yang
dah tahu atau panduan bagi yang baru tahu......

1 - Niat Sembahyang :
Sebenarnya memeliharakan taubat kita dari dunia dan
akhirat.

2 - Berdiri Betul :
Fadilatnya, ketika mati dapat meluaskan tempat kita
di dalam kubur.

3 - Takbir-ratul Ihram :
Fadilatnya, sebagai pelita yang menerangi kita di
dalam kubur.

4 - Fatihah :
Sebagai pakaian yang indah-indah di dalam kubur.

5 - Ruqu' :
Sebagai tikar kita di dalam kubur.

6 - I'tidal :
Akan memberi minuman air dari telaga al-kautsar
ketika didalam kubur.

7 - Sujud :
Memagar kita ketika menyeberangi titian
SIRATUL-MUSTAQIM.

8 - Duduk antara 2 Sujud :
Akan menaung panji-panji nabi kita didalam kubur

9 - Duduk antara 2 Sujud (akhir) :
Menjadi kenderaan ketika kita dipadang Mahsyar.

1 0 - Tahhiyat Akhir :
Sebagai penjawab bagi soalan yang dikemukakan oleh
Munkar & Nankir di dalam kubur.

11 - Selawat Nabi :
Sebagai pendinding api neraka di dalam kubur.

12 - Salam :
Memelihara kita di dalam kubur.

13 - Tertib :
Akan pertemuan kita dengan Allah S. W. T.
Dari Abdullah bin 'Amr R. A., Rasulullah S. A. W.bersabda :

"Senarai di atas adalah salah satu sebab mengapa orang
Yahudi /Kafir tidak sukakan angka 13 dan juga Hari Jumaat. Itulah
sebab mengapa mereka mencipta cerita yang begitu seram
sekali iaitu " FRIDAY the 13th " jika ada di kalangan kamu
yang perasan!!!"

Utk renungan kita bersama...
· Agar wajah selalu segar, berseri-seri dan cantik,
cucilah minimal 5 kali sehari dengan air wudhu. Jangan
langsung dikeringkan, biarkan menetes dan kering sendiri.
Lalu ambillah sajadah, shalat, berdzikir, dan berdo'a.

· Untuk menghilangkan stress, perbanyaklah 'olahraga'.
Cukup dengan memperbanyakkan solat. Ketika solat, kita
mengerakkan seluruh tubuh. Lalu berkonsultasilah pada Allah
SWT dengan dzikir dan do'a.

· Untuk pelembab, agar awet muda, gunakanlah senyuman.
Tidak hanya di bibir tapi juga di hati. Jangan lupa
bisikkan 'kata kunci', "Allahuma Kamma Hassanta Khalqii
Fahassin Khuluqii" (Ya Allah sebagaimana engkau telah
memperindah kejadianku, maka perindah pula ahlaqku). (HR
Ahmad).- DOA TENGOK CERMIN

· Untuk punya bibir cantik, bisikkan kalimat-kalimat
Allah, tidak berbohong atau menyakiti hati orang lain,
tidak menyombongkan diri atau takabur.

· Agar tubuh langsing, mulus, diet yang teratur dengan
berpuasa seminggu 2 kali, Isnin dan Khamis. Jika kuat,
lebih bagus lagi puasa Nabi Daud AS i.e. selang satu hari.
Makanlah makanan halal, perbanyak sayuran, buah-buahan, dan
air putih.

· Untuk mengembangkan diri, sebarkan salam dan sapaan.
Dengan demikian kita akan banyak dikenal dan disayangi.

1. LALUAN MENUJU KE KUBUR
* Jauhkan dari perbuatan mengumpat & mengeji
* Hindarkan perasaan irihati (benci)
* Jangan terpengaruh dengan harta dunia
* Sucikan qadha' hajat dgn istibra (berdehem selepas buang air kecil)

2. LALUAN UTK BERJUMPA IZRAIL
* Bersihkan diri dgn bertaubat
* Gembirakan hati orang mukmin
* Bayar semula kadha (Solat & puasa) yang tertinggal.
* Kasih sepenuh hati pada Allah Ta'ala

3. LALUAN UTK BERJUMPA MUNGKAR NANGKIR
* Mengucap dua kalimah syahadah
* Suka memberi Sedekah
* Berkata Benar
* Bersihkan dan perbaiki diri

4. LALUAN UTK MEMBERATKAN PERTIMBANGAN
* Belajar atau mengajar ilmu yang bermanfaat
* Sucikan perkataan dan pakaian
* Bersyukur dgn yang sedikit
* Suka dan redha dgn yang didatangkan oleh Allah

5. LALUAN MEMANTAPKAN AMALAN
* Jauhkan perkataan sia-sia
* Pendekkan cita-cita dunia
* Banyakkan puji pujian kepada Allah
* Banyakkan sedekah dan khairat

6. LALUAN MELALUI TITIAN SIRAT AL MUSTAKIM
* Kasihanilah aulia Allah Ta'ala
* Berbaktilah pada ibu bapa
* Berpegang teguh pada hukum syarak
* Bercakap perkataan yang baik sesama manusia

7. LALUAN MENJAUHKAN DIRI DARI NERAKA
* Banyakkan membaca al-quran
* Banyakkan menangis kerana dosa dosa lalu
* tinggalkan perkara yang maksiat
* Jauhkan segala yang haram

8. LALUAN UTK MEMASUKI SYURGA
* Membuat kebajikan seberapa yang boleh
* Kasihi orang yang soleh
* Kerjakan segala suruhan Allah
* Merendahkan diri di antara sesama makhluk

9. LALUAN BERJUMPA DENGAN NABI MUHAMMAD
* Kasihilah nabi Allah Taala
* Kasihilah Rasullullah S.A.W.
* Tuntutilah yang difardukan oleh Allah Taala
* Banyak selawat kepada Nabi SAW

10.LALUAN UTK BERTEMU ALLAH
* Serahkan seluruh jiwa raga kepada Allah Taala
* Hindarkan diri dari menderhaka kepada Allah Taala
* Betulkan dan baikkan i'tikad kepada Allah Taala
* Bencikan segala yang diharamkanNya.

hmm...got this topic from fatin's blog...
seems interesting...
so, just wanna check what i usually do in such situation...

(1)stay quiet...i just have to give myself some time to cool down n regain the mood...huhu...please note that the definition of "some time" may differ according to situation...hihi

(2)listen to sentimental song n sometimes catchy song...nasyid pun best gak utk dilayan...depends la...songs can remotivate me...

(3)mengemas...be it kemas buku, kemas rumah, cuci tiolet, etc...
i'm fond of doing such things...no matter the place is dirty/messy or even clean...i just do it...just for my pleasure...

(4)sleep...sometimes, sleep can be the fastest way of forgetting your bad mood...fastest here depends on how long you sleep...if you sleep for one whole day...bknla fastest namenye...huhu

(5)blogging...but this is my new-developed-habit...so, don't really know the effectiveness of this activity to overcome such situation...blom try...

(6)crying...huhu...i do like crying but not all situations require you to cry...so, don't be stupid to cry all the time...but sometimes, crying can makes you feel better...(i don't like to cry in front of others...for how many times you ever see me crying in front of you...you surely don't know how many times i cry inside...huhu...poyoness again)

(7)membebel...hmm, this is the habit that i now learn to slowly throw it out from my dictionary of life...buat penat je...bersabar lagi berfaedah...

(8)ishtighfar...i bet you, this is the best way...the simplest n the coolest way of doing it...just try...if you find it didn't work for you, then ambil wuduk...insyaAllah...

(9)kembali kepada Tuhan...remember, in anything you do, it's God who holds your heart...so, don't panic...just sit and recite a prayer...hoping for His guidance..."ala bizikrillahi tatma'innal qulub"..."dan hanya dengan mengingati Allah akan tenang hatimu"...recite al-quran...solat sunat...Islam is beautiful...it's the way of life...

(10)think positive...if some ppl hurt your feelings...just reflect if you ever done the same thing to someone else...then only you can try to forgive n forget...(though i can't really practise it everytime...after all...i'm not that good...like an angle...perfect is not me)...

thinking about what's happening this evening really makes me smile...
funny...seriously funny...
wondering if we are actually born to be housewives...success housewives...hahaha...
hopefully...insyaAllah...

to tell the truth, i just wonder why we must bump into some friends when we do our groceries shopping...
it's not shameful but i just feel awkward...huhu...
and today...for the "don't-know-how-many-times-we've-bumped-into-each-other",i suddenly wonder if we really act like housewives...apakah benar??...tidak!!!

emm...whatever it is...i don't care and i don't bother anymore...
what to do, i am born to be the type of person who don't really like to hang out with friends, eat outside i.e @ restaurant, stalls etc., watch movies in cinema..what more window shopping (though i seem to develop this habit recently...i hope it won't stay)...huhu

since before, i don't like to go out...be it girls outing, class outing, even "asrama outing"...
i could certainly remember how many times i went for weekly outing when i was in kisas years ago...
in two years time, i only went "outing" for about 3 or 4 times...not more than 5 obviously...ntahpapekan...
i once heard one of my friend claimed that "hish, aku x bleh r duk kat asrama...cam bengang kepala otak...rase nak keluar gak"...note:ayat ini telah direpharase kpd ayatku sendiri...haha
my response would be: "ye ke...aku ske je duk asrama, basuh baju, kemas2 bilik...keluar cam busan je...bukan ade pape...penat je dapat"...but please note that this sentence is just "monolog dalaman"...hahaha

seriously...i am a homely type person...
i like to stay at home damn much...
be it in klang...kl...even in australia...i still like to be at home during my free time...it's like "rumahku syurgaku"...duhhhhh
i only go out when i have something important to do or when i plan to go some places...
it's kinda hard for me to just go out when some friends ask me to...
...coz i don't have any plan for that...and most importantly, it's bcs i have planned to stay at home...my heaven...huhu
so...sometimes, it's hard to decide wheather or not u should leave your heaven...
imagine...would you leave your heaven for something else...hmmm...something to ponder about...pikir2...jgn x pikir...
okay...that's all for now...xde idea dah...huhu
need to download new songs from iffah's multiply...
chiaw...

years ago, i think i like reading...
but, all this while, i just read for academic purposes...
can it be considered reading?
i would say no because my defintion of reading is when you read for your own pleasure...not because you are told to do so...
so, in actual fact, i didn't read...at all...

but now, i could admit that i do like reading...
i suddenly found that the internet is very2 beneficial for me...
before this, when i surfed the internet, i only browsed to websites like friendster and friendster and friendster...ntah ape yang best sangat pun i x tau...
sometimes, i downloaded songs, checked mails, read online newspapers...itu je la kot...
alhamdulillah...now i discovered that there's so many other things i can browsed despite all those sites mentioned earlier...
i now frequently visit others' blogs and read online novels which somehow inspire and motivate me to improve myself...
alhamdulillah...maybe God gives me this opportunity to know Islam better, to know Him better, to serve Him better...
i wonder why i didn't realized all this before...
credits to my friends who indirectly help me finding this path...
i know you guys did nothing...it's Him who direct me towards this path...alhamdulillah...
i am glad that He still show me, guide me, shower me with His bless...
i never realize that i nearly off the track when i feel His light shows me the right path i should follow...
i never sit back and reflect...how lucky i am to be born in Islam...
i never internalize the feeling of being a Muslim...
i never do this...i never do that...
why am i so dumb...to act as if i know everything, as it i have everything, as if there's no Him...
why didn't i realize that i have drowned in the ocean of lies that i created it myself...why...why...
didn't i know that death is something certain...
something that would never hesitate to kill me...
something that never stop its way to put me down...
ahh...alone, i cry...

di kala sendiri
aku sunyi aku sepi
tanpa mereka di sisi
tanpa mereka menemani
tapi aku meyakini
dan tak pernah meragui
jika Dia tetap di hati

di kala sendiri
aku mencari diri
siapa aku di sini
apa tujuanku ke mari
apa matlamatku yang sejati
mungkinkah akan kutemui
rungkaian rahsia hati

di kala sendiri
aku mencongak lagi
berapa salahnya pandanganku ini
berapa silapnya pendengaranku ini
berapa buruknya perlakuanku ini
berapa jahilnya pertuturanku ini
berapa dan berapa lagi harus ku bilangi

di kala sendiri
aku menangisi
semua keterlanjuranku selama ini
apa bisa kuputar kembali
masa laluku yang dinodai
dek kealpaanku mengejar duniawi
yang takkan mungkin kekal abadi

di kala sendiri
aku membayangi
seperti apa wajahku nanti
tika pulang ke sisi Ilahi
tika bertemu si-Dia yang pasti
adakah mahu direnungi
atau sekadar dipalingi

di kala sendiri
aku memohon tanpa henti
moga hidayah-Nya sinari hati
moga kasih-Nya lindungi diri
moga rahmat-Nya berkati hari
lantas tercapai hasrat naluri
mencari redha-Nya selama hayat ini

today, i'm joining the macquarie international trip to blue mountain...
i'm so excited for this trip...
i woke up early in the morning so that i could prepare sandwiches and fried rice for that trip...
what excites me more is that all of us i.e. all of cohort 3 students are joining this trip...mesti syiok...

however, something had ruined my mood even before the trip started...
as i walked to the mi building, i just realized that i forgot to do something...
something that is considered as important as brushing teeth after you woke up from sleep...ahh....tensennye...
but, syikin said, never kind...it's ok...you'll be fine...think positive...
ye la tu syikin...mmg la i'll be fine...tapi...i x suke...huhu

okay, finished about that stupid thing...
i'll continue with the story of the trip...
we left mi at about 8.30...
our first destination is featherdale wildlife park...
this is kind of my first experience with australian kangaroo, wallaby, koala etc...
before this, i feel very excited to see n touch all these animals...
but, to my surprise...i didn't feel anything when i got the opportunities to see those "creatures" this time ...
xde perasaan langsung...
provided...i don't like the "hamster-like-smell"...busukkkkkk
i just realized that i'm not that "mesra-binatang" type of person...
it is such a waste if you think that i would be happy in such place...
i'm like a dumb there...ntah, habis xde feel langsung...
and the best thing is...suddenly i found my self having period...again...ahh...tensen lagi...
but, there must a hikmah for me...and i knew it...Alhamdulillah...

then, about 10.45 we made our way to jenolan caves...
oh my god, the journey was so sickening....
i nearly vomit...so as syikin...
act, she did vomit...maybe she just can't tolerate that "bengkang-bengkok jalan"
i feel like crying on the bus...
why did i join this trip?...seperti menyesal juga...
but never mind, there's no way you can escape from it...nak mampus...nak balik camne?
ahh...tekanan...

but, after pekena my nasi goreng...it seems that i'm regaining my strength n mood to continue the journey...
we visited jenolan caves which i think so beatiful...masyaAllah...what a creation!!...

after that jenolan visit, we went to blue montain...yeay, at last...
it is so damn cold there...i really trembled though i wore 4 pieces of clothes...
sejukkkkkkkk...
but, we did enjoy our time there...
taking pictures like there's no tomorrow...(mayb it's true...coz i definitely won't come to this place anymore coz i don't think i'll bear the "bengkang-bengkok" journey...not anymore please)...

we reached home at about 8pm...omg, 12 hours trip...lame jugak...
dakara, after publishing this post...
i think i should go to bed...
preparing myself for tomorrow...
remember, policy number 2...again...huhu

recently, i just discovered that i have a new ability...
ability to investigate...
i think that i have such a high level of curiosity that drives me to investigate things...
however, this is not good...
it's kind of "jaga-tepi-kain-org" thing...
ish3...nauzubillah...
i don't intend to that, but when think about it...
that is how it appears to be...
so, i think i should stop doing it...
plus...ppl out there...please don't trigger my mind...
i have a habit of discovering triggered things coz it really burden my mind...
i have to solve the puzzle so that i could be at ease...huhu
after all, i'm a thinker...(duh, poyoness again!!)
so, don't blame me if i think too much...
if u don't want me to discover your secret, don't trigger my mind...
coz i am a part-time csi agent...who decide to retire bcs it's sinful to "jaga-tepi-kain-org"...
astaghfirullah al-azim...

act, before i went here, i've made several resolutions...
this is actually my new resolutions for this year i.e 1428H...
i never had any resolutions before, but this year, think of setting some aims / goals...
hopefully, all my resolutions will be achieved...insyaAllah...

(1) be a good muslimah.
i hope that i'll increase my iman...
pray 5 times a day...in time...no later...
do more "ibadah sunat" i.e prayer n fasting...
recite al-Quran everyday and understand the meaning...
and all other things that will make me nearer to God...
because my ultimate aim is...mardhotillah...

(2) focus on my study.
aiming at mantaining my previous achievements...
but, since studying here seems to be tougher than before, maybe i should just aim at passing all the components...
yet, i shouldn't just sit and relax...i should maximise my efforts...
in the end, it is God who decide everything...
all i do is work for the best...

(3) make wise budgeting.
i have so many plans...
this year, perhaps this winter holidays, i plan to visit melbourne n adelaide...
by the end of this year i.e during summer holidays, i plan to go back home...
for next year, i plan to visit brisbane and new zealand...
wow...what a big planning...
dakara, i should really save money so that all my plans could work out...provided if God say "yes"...
during my summer holidays in malaysia, i plan to get motorbike+car driving license...
i plan to repay those ppl that i may "owe"...
i also plan to bring back some money for the umrah's thing...insyaAllah...
hmmm...this is the biggest plan i ever had...
hopefully, everything will work out...InsyaAllah...
i just plan things,in the end, it is God who decides everything...

(4) be responsible daughter and family member.
i think my family had done so many things for me...
thanks mak, abah, abang am, kak ani, akmal, epah, iboy n afiq...
i owe u guys my life...
dakara, i think i should do something for them...something that shows my concerns and appreciation towards them...something that makes them proud and happy to have me as part of their life...insyaAllah...

(5) be more confident.
this is something difficult for me...
something that i've been trying to overcome since before...
all this while, i've been experiencing low self-esteem...
i presumed that i must have failed one stage during my childhood development...haha..
but, i'll try to cope with it...
maybe i should stop camparing myself with others...
i should be grateful for who i am...
coz, i should always remember how lucky i am to have make it this far, to be given opportunities to breathe, to eat, to walk, to talk, to hear, to study, to have family who loves me,to have friends, and the most important thing, to be in iman n islam...alhamdulillah...
OH God, Oh my Lord, if i never be grateful and thankful for all these gifts...please forgive me...
it's not that i am not satisfied...it's just that sometimes, i do forget...please forgive me and please guide me...

(6)new believe: love = marriage.
huhu...there is the poyoness of me...coming out of nowhere...huhu
but, i think i've made my decision...
this is something that i've been discussing with my friends years before...
now, i am quite sure what i want...
and i decided to make this new policy...
i'll leave this matter to God...
if it's a yes...then, it's a yes...and i'll marry someone who's chosen for me...
if it's a no...then, it's a no...i still have my family behind me...and most importantly, i still have God who loves me and to be loved...that's what love should means at the very first place...
so now, i don't have to think about it anymore...as the time comes, God will show me the way...wink2...
for my friends...all the best for you guys...
hope we'll all find our way...haha

okay, i think, that's all for now...
got to study linguistics...
remember, that is policy number 2...huhu

last saturday, 8th april 2007, masca sports carnival was held at the sydney university gymnasium...
in this event, i took part in netball game...but, just for substitution...haha...
though we were not winning the entire game, we were not losing it either...we managed to improve last year's record to at least be at the 3rd place...isn't it better...huhu...
congrats for the msa team...sorry guys, i couldn't help you much...i am really hopeless when it comes to sports...it's nature i guess...wink2..

talking about netball, i just impressed with those superb players...
despite of the 'pacak' thing, i also admired that 'bola-melekat-kat-tangan' thing...
habis kagum seyh...
hmm...really wish i could be like them...hebat2...
and forget to mention that there are some guys playing netball during the game...
it's kind of the rule set by the organization committee that there should be at least a guy in each team...
but, sad to say, most of the guys are chinese...why not malay guys...
are you guys ashame to play netball? isn't it cool?
act, i really impressed to see those guys really enjoying that game...
most of them are basketballers...they really stand out in the court coz there are the only guys among the girls...
cool man...

after the netball match finished, i managed to watch a basketball match between msa n mso...
those guys look really cool in their outfits...ahh..so, sweet...
i think this must be 'penangan slamdunk' which i watch years before...
i do admire basketballers...sendoh, rukawa...ahh...u guys rock...
but, to think again...
why should i admire them so much...
wouldn't it better if i admire Muhammad, the Prophet...
insaf...i stop this post here...astaghfirullah...