Assalamualaikum W.B.T

Teaching

“Teaching” is not the first thing in my mind when I first learned the word “ambition”.

Seriously, I never expect ended up being a teacher...at least as a profession to begin with.

But I BELIEVE this is what we call FATE.

Not even a moment in my life, I regret being a teacher. at least up till this point.

Why?

Because this profession opens doors for me to know and understand human beings; the interesting but complicated creatures on Earth.

When I say I don’t regret a thing, that does not mean that it’s a bed of roses.

Life as a teacher is not as simple as how people might perceive it to be.

To tell the truth, it’s NEVER EASY and could DRIVE you CRAZY, yet it can make you HAPPY!!

that’s the indescribable part of everything (^_^)

Student

A student is not merely a client/customer/patient to me.

When I regard someone as students, I can’t help myself but feel emotionally connected to them.

Not only I want them to be successful in learning/study, I want to know about their family background, what do they like to do, what are the things that make them happy/sad/moody/sick etc.

Basically, I want to know everything about them.

Yeah, sounds so busybody and stalker-like, but that’s basically how I feel towards them.

I want to love them so they would secure a place in my heart.

All of them. Each and everyone of them.

That’s why I am actually making effortS (note the “s”) to make them know how PRECIOUS they actually are to me.

I want to spread the LOVE to them.

And LOVING means giving COMMITMENT, TIME and also MONEY... (urggh...I wish I have more time)

But sadly saying, SOME of them didn’t see/feel that.

Either it’s PENDING / I turned on the INCORRECT buttons / they don’t know how to respond / they just don’t like me (oh my, I am rejected!!!)

But that’s okay, for me, the outcome is not important because I know I’ve tried.

We can’t force people when we deal with feelings/emotions....noted that...

Favouritism

As teachers, FAVOURITISM is a BIG NO NO!! I know that. It’s well understood.

But, as normal human beings, we can’t afford to refrain ourselves from liking/prefer/favor some people that the others.

Come on, I’m being REALISTIC!! I’m NOT an idealist anyway.

Teachers got feelings too!!

And as students, the moment we feel our teacher favour some other people rather than us;

1^st: maybe it’s just our feelings

2^nd: the way people show love is different. come on, look at ourselves! how could we be treated similarly as others if we ourselves are different from them. so, don’t simply jump into conclusion ya..

And if I am the teacher concerned, I tell you, I am not being double standard, it’s just that due to some reasons, I have yet to find ways to reach you...(did you find ways to reach me anyways??)...

and not because I simply choose to ignore. So, please don't get the wrong idea :)

Assertive/Strict

Am I not sure what kind of teacher I am/was/will be...

What I knew is I lack/lacked this one quality: “being assertive”...

I have been trying to develop this quality since I was overseas and it’s still going nowhere...

Maybe it’s because I am not that type of person who can express what I REALLY want in a strong way so that people would notice.

I never like that idea because I don’t like being told of what to do (except for work related things or else I don’t know what to should be done).

I always thought that people are sensitive enough to “sense” things so why should others be telling them this and that.

So, I didn’t scold them if they didn’t do what they are supposed to.

I adopt these policies: “be patient”, “be calm” and “hold your anger”.

Most of the time, I do that because I want to “jaga hati” and don’t want to hurt others by the words that might hurt them emotionally and mentally when I burst. (but still some bullets are unavoidable!!)

However, everything doesn’t come for free.

There’s an expensive price that I have to pay for not hurting others...I ended up being hurt...

And that’s the “worldly definition” of FAIRNESS if you want to know.

So, take it or leave it!!

True Colours

When asked what type of person I am, my close friend once replied:

“what people see might not be the same as when they would get later”

Meaning?

The way I appear to people might be different with my true self.

For people that I meet once or twice, I am a different type of person...

For people who are dear to me;

I am not a soft-spoken person...(it’s just not my way..urghh)

I say harsh words when it’s not what I really intend to say...(sorry, I’ll be more careful next time so it won’t be a bad prayer to others...nauzubillah)

I say I don’t care, when I actually do...

I say go when I want people to stay...

I tease people and “cari gaduh” with them when I actually want to be close to them...(some people think I hate them..nope!!)

but in fact, I am VERY sensitive...

I say it’s OK when I am NOT OK...

I say it’s all right when it’s NOT right at all...

And for some unknown reasons, that’s how I react...

and I know that’s very complicated to understand...

but that’s ME, the real ME~

Salam~

Assalamualaikum W.B.T

Kadang2 bila manusia menyakiti dan melukai hati kita, kita terlalu cepat melatah...
rasa marah, rasa tak dihargai, rasa dilayan seperti sampah dan sebagainya...
kita menganggap manusia tersebut amat jahat hatta sanggup menganiayai manusia lain...

tapi...

kesakitan itu jugalah yang buat kita kembali menilai...
sejauh mana kita menghargai Si Pencipta...
sejauh mana kita menunaikan hak yang selayaknya untuk Dia...
sejauh mana nilai dan darjat kita di sisi-Nya...

maka, persetankanlah rasa marah....yang tunasnya berputik dari bisikan iblis...
tapi tukarkanlah dengan rasa keinsafan...yang hadirnya atas dasar kesedaran,
bahawa kita hanya hamba Tuhan...
yang nilainya bukan pada pandangan manusia tapi Dia yang Maha Mencipta...

Salam~

Assalamualaikum W.B.T

This year's Eidul Fitr celebration might NOT be the BEST that I had so far but at least, it's NOT the WORST.

Reasons:

• got a new stand mixer thus so excitedly made chocolate chips cookies that I used to make back then in Sydney...but it turned to be chocolate DE BATU BATA cookies...duhh...but, what I like about it is the fact that my nephews being so supportive by eating half the jar of the cookies...so I guess, OK la kot kan..heh ;)

before

after

• baked a chocolate cake that I used to...but it turned out to be the most DISASTROUS cake I've ever bake. lesson learned: please don't be greedy but patient!!

kipasusahmati...haha

• raya for me this year was only on the 1st Syawal...was in no mood of celebrating it...down with slight fever the first night itself...is suffering from sore throat till today....arrghhh...camne  nak keje nih!!

However, there's few other good points regardless of everything:

• I managed to join tadarus and conduct khatam quran session with my tutees ;) yeah, sounds like a small, simple things but for me, it's really SOMETHING...

• after 25 years, I managed to weave ketupat on my own....what an achievement!! haha... I've tried once last 2 years, I succeeded...but I wonder to what extent the performance could be measured... But this time around, I managed to weave at least 5/6 ketupat... OK la tu...rather than nothing aite...

masterpiece...haha

before

after

• for the first time, I gave duet raya to my siblings...not much anyway but I feel happy to give them something...alhamdulillah de rezeki lebih kan :) but somehow, the allocation for the niece and nephews decreased a bit..ye la, need to spread the budget kan...haha :P

last year's...this year...tarak..

All in all, I think or I could feel that I've aged...or am aging...gradually...
The feelings towards certain things are no longer the same as before...
And so as the view or perception and also the way I act towards situations...
So, let's just consider this a journey of maturity...haha~

Salam~