Assalamualaikum W.B.T
Up till this point, I never forget what my friends once said to me 11 years ago when I asked them why they did what they did to me on that particular time (read: they were sort of toying my feelings on a guy-I-had-a-crush-on). Their answer were simple. "Because you always act as if you are our leader". And me and my feelings on that time was..."duhh...am I?...am I like that?". Upon hearing that, I was not angry at all but straight away think about what they thought of me. I just wonder how had I been bossy to them all this while...I wonder in what way and for what reasons I acted like that...and I wonder how could I never realize that at all.
That was the story long time ago...during my childhood days. I am not sure whether I have that kind of "leader-look" but as far as I could remember, the first time I became a class monitor was in standard 4 and that time my assisstant was a boy. I became a prefect when I was in standard five and become the assistant head-prefect when I was in standard six. I wonder how could I be selected at that time. I think it's mainly because of my academic performance, not because of the leadership quality in me coz I don't think I have it or at least display it to people. But anyways...that's the past aite...
And when I entered secondary school, I became the assisstant monitor of Form 1 Hamra' and a school prefect when I was in Form 2. However, when I was in Form 3, I refused to be a prefect coz I think I have "lost" my normal life as student once I become a prefect...heh...actually, I got many reasons for my withrawal from the board ;).
The only time I was freed from any important roles in schools was when I entered Kisas. In this school, we have so many "potential leaders" that came from all over the country. Though I somehow feel inferior with them (my schoolmates), I kind of feel relieved as I could at last be a "commoner" in school. You know, being insignificant...that kind of feeling....that I longed ;)
But I guess...the feeling does not last longer. Upon entering my teaching college, I was again been appointed as a class leader during my foundation years. Though it was only for one semester, people might not know what I suffered. This time, my assisstant was also a boy (or a male...I should put it). I was also one of the candidates for the college's "JPP" but I refused to even attend the interview coz I have no interest at all to be "busy". The last responsibility for "school life" so far was being a tresurer for Macquarie Uni Cohort 3...that was 2 years ago I think.
Actually, I have no intention is recounting all my positions in schools or uni and whatsoever. I just wonder what do people see in me once the appointed me or at least suggested me to be a leader or their representative. To be speaking the truth, to be revealing what I think of my self...I just...I just don't make a good leader. But insyaAllah...I could be a good follower.
Be a leader just doesn't suit my personality because many people will not like my way of leading. I am the type of person who has my way of doing things, and most of the time I am being egocentric and perfectionist (on the things that I am particular at). And because of this, people either follow me (with dissatisfactions...maybe) or I rather do it myself. That's when it become tiring. I don't like to ask people do this and that (because I knew I could turn out being bossy to them...which I hate to do). But again, people also don't like when I do things all by myself...for them, I am just being selfish. Now, can you see my dilemma?
So people...remember the risk you take when you appoint me as leader. You will not like it...trust me..because I am complicated.
But then...you see...when there is no leader in a group...and no one seems to make an effort to iniatiate a first step...I'll end up be the person who'll do that...especially when there is important goals to be achieved at the end of the group work...(I don't know why).
I knew being a leader and being bossy is not the same. But once I become a leader...it does mean a bossy leader. Because the way I lead my life might not similar to the way others do it, I think I will just make things difficult for my follower or the people that I represent.
Therefore...for the things people might dislike about the way I lead or the way I do things...I say sorry. Honto ni gomen!!!
Up till this point, I never forget what my friends once said to me 11 years ago when I asked them why they did what they did to me on that particular time (read: they were sort of toying my feelings on a guy-I-had-a-crush-on). Their answer were simple. "Because you always act as if you are our leader". And me and my feelings on that time was..."duhh...am I?...am I like that?". Upon hearing that, I was not angry at all but straight away think about what they thought of me. I just wonder how had I been bossy to them all this while...I wonder in what way and for what reasons I acted like that...and I wonder how could I never realize that at all.
That was the story long time ago...during my childhood days. I am not sure whether I have that kind of "leader-look" but as far as I could remember, the first time I became a class monitor was in standard 4 and that time my assisstant was a boy. I became a prefect when I was in standard five and become the assistant head-prefect when I was in standard six. I wonder how could I be selected at that time. I think it's mainly because of my academic performance, not because of the leadership quality in me coz I don't think I have it or at least display it to people. But anyways...that's the past aite...
And when I entered secondary school, I became the assisstant monitor of Form 1 Hamra' and a school prefect when I was in Form 2. However, when I was in Form 3, I refused to be a prefect coz I think I have "lost" my normal life as student once I become a prefect...heh...actually, I got many reasons for my withrawal from the board ;).
The only time I was freed from any important roles in schools was when I entered Kisas. In this school, we have so many "potential leaders" that came from all over the country. Though I somehow feel inferior with them (my schoolmates), I kind of feel relieved as I could at last be a "commoner" in school. You know, being insignificant...that kind of feeling....that I longed ;)
But I guess...the feeling does not last longer. Upon entering my teaching college, I was again been appointed as a class leader during my foundation years. Though it was only for one semester, people might not know what I suffered. This time, my assisstant was also a boy (or a male...I should put it). I was also one of the candidates for the college's "JPP" but I refused to even attend the interview coz I have no interest at all to be "busy". The last responsibility for "school life" so far was being a tresurer for Macquarie Uni Cohort 3...that was 2 years ago I think.
Actually, I have no intention is recounting all my positions in schools or uni and whatsoever. I just wonder what do people see in me once the appointed me or at least suggested me to be a leader or their representative. To be speaking the truth, to be revealing what I think of my self...I just...I just don't make a good leader. But insyaAllah...I could be a good follower.
Be a leader just doesn't suit my personality because many people will not like my way of leading. I am the type of person who has my way of doing things, and most of the time I am being egocentric and perfectionist (on the things that I am particular at). And because of this, people either follow me (with dissatisfactions...maybe) or I rather do it myself. That's when it become tiring. I don't like to ask people do this and that (because I knew I could turn out being bossy to them...which I hate to do). But again, people also don't like when I do things all by myself...for them, I am just being selfish. Now, can you see my dilemma?
So people...remember the risk you take when you appoint me as leader. You will not like it...trust me..because I am complicated.
But then...you see...when there is no leader in a group...and no one seems to make an effort to iniatiate a first step...I'll end up be the person who'll do that...especially when there is important goals to be achieved at the end of the group work...(I don't know why).
I knew being a leader and being bossy is not the same. But once I become a leader...it does mean a bossy leader. Because the way I lead my life might not similar to the way others do it, I think I will just make things difficult for my follower or the people that I represent.
Therefore...for the things people might dislike about the way I lead or the way I do things...I say sorry. Honto ni gomen!!!
Salam~
p/s: Will the myth about the toes turn out to be real? I don't know. What I knew...HE knows everything =)
4 comments:
Woah.. Hampir sama perangai kita tapi mungkin saya adalah lebih pelik dan lebih sukar dijangka dan difahami berbanding Rien kot..
Dulu, kawan-kawan selalu kata dekat saya, 'Ati adalah manusia paling sukar untuk difahami dan selalunya susah nak tahu apa yang ada dalam kepala otak dia.."
Hoho.. Dan saya sangat terkesima dengan penyataan kawan-kawan saya itu.. :))
kenapa?
ape yg aku ingat...
amrien sgt boleh DIHARAP
huhuu~
salam..akak, sumtimes kn there is this one person that Allah has fated her or him to be a leader wherever he or she goes..There's something that people see in us but we dont realize it..and i can see something inside you...insyaAllah..
to cik akira:
saya rasa saya memang peleceh ;)
to ez:
thanks 4 dropping by ;)
aku? boleh DIHARAP ke?
hmmm....wonder....
to fariena:
i don't know...
but what I knew...when it become my responsibily...I shud fulfill it as best as I could..insyaAllah
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