Assalamualaikum W.B.T

"Bila kau memandang segalanya dari Tuhanmu,

yang menciptakan segalanya,

yang menimpakan ujian,

yang menjadikan sakit hatimu,

yang membuat keinginanmu terhalang serta menyusahkan hidupmu...

Pasti akan damailah hatimu kerana

masakan Allah sengaja mentakdirkan segalanya untuk sesuatu yang sia-sia...

Bukan Allah tidak tahu deritanya hidupmu, retaknya hatimu,

tapi mungkin itulah yang Dia mahu

kerana Dia tahu hati yang sebeginilah yang selalunya lebih lunak dan mudah untuk dekat dan akrab dengan-Nya..."

ujian merupakan sebahagian daripada tarbiyah...

ujian mugkin merupakan kifarah kpd dosa...

ujian sentiasa mengingatkan kita kpd DIA...

ujian adakalanya membuatkan kita rasa kerdil dan menyedarkan kita bahawa ada yang lbh berkuasa..

Alhamdulillah... ujian sebagai bukti.. kita masih lg meraih perhatian Tuhan Yang Esa...

Credit to whoever wrote that excerp. Thank you so much because your writing had in some ways helped me to 'recover'. Alhamdulillah...praise be to Allah for choosing me to be a Muslim...a practising muslim (insyaAllah). The belief in Allah and the teachings of Islam has guided me to deal with 'anger, frustration, sadness and dissapointment with a smile on the face (metaphorically). I knew everything happened for reason(s) and only He knows what's best for me. And now, all I need is a strong heart so that I could move on without any regrets, hesitations nor dissatisfactions for I knew He is all-Knowing, all-Watching :)

Salam~

Assalamualaikum W.B.T

I wonder why am I taking such a long time to decide...and to act...
I knew exactly that I don't have choices...
and yet...nothing is showing anything...

p/s: Ya Allah, please guide me...now and forever...insyaAllah

Salam~

Assalamualaikum W.B.T

I don't understand myself...
Have I actually lost interest in studying?
Oh..oh..oh..
Another two semesters and then it's over...
Gambatte ne!!!
Fighto....ohh!!!

p/s: this is the effect of having a 4-days-class schedule followed by a one-week-break...never want to return again :(

Assalamualaikum W.B.T

one

I wonder how I can be very excellent in one area and yet be very sengalzzzzzz in other field. Is this what we called individual potentials or multiple intelligences or whatever they call it. This is the moment when I really "learned" what my weakest point is / are (more to be realized...heh)

two

Hmm...this time I think I should take back my words. It seems that everything has turned to be alright. The point that I made about this particular person seems to be no longer valid. Perhaps, I was too emotional at that time that I could easily make such claim about that person. I knew it's not fair for "X" to be judged by me. I've not seen "X" for such a long period so I should not actually come into conclusion that "X" is like such and such only after a few meetings with "X". Now, I am truly happy because my relationship with "X" has turned to normal mode again. No more negative thoughts, no more prejudices. What I knew is that I should learn to love "X" and learn to accept whatever changes that took place during my absence. Afterall, blood is thicker than water eh...

three

If people ever wonder whether or not I'll stop blogging, the answer is "No". But, I may not be an active blogger like I used to be when I was overseas. The situation is different now so as the commitments. Yet, I never thought of stop blogging for I think I have found my theraphy :)

Salam~

Assalamualaikum W.B.T

Sometimes in our life, whether we realized it or not, the reality depicts not the truth. At times, we became confused as what's right and what's not especially when we clearly see that the wrong thing has been regarded as acceptable norm in the society. This is when our principle of life is challenged.

If people ever asked me about my principle in life, I don't think I could name one...what more to give them a list. But this doesn't mean that I don't have any principles. As I do things, I knew there are some guidelines that I follow. I admit that sometimes I am lenient...but mind you, there are things that are not tolerable especially when it involves religion.

I knew I should continue learning and internalizing all the Islamic teachings so that whatever comes my way, I could stand still and be firm with my principle. Whatever happens, I should never jeopardize my Deen...that's my aim...insyaAllah :)

Salam~

Assalamualaikum W.B.T

Nampaknya, rutin kehidupan saya benar-benar berubah bila saya pulang ke Malaysia. Banyak perkara yang saya lakukan dulu di Sydney, tak mampu saya teruskan di sini. Oh Tuhan, betapa saya merindukan saat-saat suka duka di sana.

Saya bukan tegar. Saya sedar banyak perkara tentang saya yang telah berubah. Ada yang saya rasakan ia perubahan positif, tapi banyak juga yang negatif. Dan saya tidak gembira dengan keadaan ini.

But I just realized one thing, "whenever I chose to go to one direction, I have indirectly abandoned the other". Though sometimes I felt unhappy with the consequences of my decision, I knew at the end of the day, I just could not get everything that I want.

For the "people" whom I have indirectly "ignored", I just want to say I am sorry. I knew I have hurt you guys in some ways. I knew it and I reliazed it. But, I am just not capable to handle everything. I want you to know that I never forget you nor despise you from my life. If you knew how bad I feel to do what I did and how lonely I am at times...when I suddenly found nobody is actually with me.

I knew it and I should be ready for it.

When I can't decide whether I want this or that, I knew at the end of the day, I shall be losing both of them...and thus left with nothing...

This is the way I lead my life and I shall be ready...ready for everything...

Salam~

p/s: Whether I like it or not, getting my family back means I have to let go my blogging world... This is not a karma rule...this is just MY RULE...hmm...

Assalamualaikum W.B.T

Oh, adapting is just difficult for me at the moment. My body and my brain just could not tolerate with all the changes that lies in front of me...at least for now. To keep up with changes...indeed it's very stressful for me. As I mentioned before, I think TIME is what I really need now.

I hope that I won't consume too much time in the adatation process for I don't actually have much time to waste.

InsyaAllah, I'll try my best to handle the situation. This time, I can't be pessimist anymore or I'll end up be a dead meat...heh

Salam~

p/s: I missed blogging...very much...but I don't have the capacity to do so as much as I want at the moment. And that's make me sad...a bit ;(

Assalamualaikum W.B.T

Hmm...abaikan entry lepas. Merapu je tu.

Sebenarnya, banyak perkara yang sedang saya fikir dan uruskan sekarang. One of it is regarding driving license tu la. Early this year sempat buat L je. Tu yang kena continue balik summer break this year. Imagine, setahun lebih tempoh amik lesen...ceh!! Sekarang tengah sibuk cari available date(s) to attend driving class since I'll start uni on the 7th of January. Maybe end of January kot test JPJ. Doakan saya ye. Saya memang tak berapa confident nak drive a car and ride a motorcycle nih...tapi I'll try my best....insyaAllah :)

Second thing, pasal mobile. Currently using Celcom X-pack. Tapi macam nak tukar plan. Konon2 nak guna Celcom Blue sebab macam interesting je die nyer features and bonus2 tu. Tapi sebenarnya, ada ke beza eh? Hmm...maybe kena deal sendiri dengan Celcom.

Third, pasal broadband. Memandangkan sem baru di tempat lama akan bermula, saya rasa saya patut cari alternatif untuk internet connection yang tak berapa nak memuaskan itu. Am considering Maxis and Celcom broadband. Yang best yet murah...heh. At least to satisfy my basic needs la....check mails, update blog, cari journals....things like that. Download? a little will do kot :) Anyone, ade suggestion ke?

Fourth, pasal bank. Currently, ada account Tabung Haji (ni untuk pergi Haji..insyaAllah) and BSN (ni untuk duit scholar :P). And just a few days ago buka account RHB Islamic. Actually, I am considering CIMB and Maybank. Last2 buka RHB. Maybe sebab ade branch kat my place kot and maybe gak sebab mastercard debit tu...heh. Tapi sebenarnya, ada significant different ke? Hmm...entah la...

Fifth, pasal placement rumah. Sekarang dok sibuk2 cari bilik and apartment mates untuk kat kolej nanti. Yang ni pun kena fikir in advance. Alhamdulillah, untung ada kawan yang in-charge. Thanks Lin :)

Sixth, regarding juniors @ Macquarie. Yang ni masih belum berkesempatan nak uruskan. Teruknya la saya ni. Susahnya nak cari masa nak 'tengok' issue ni. Masa yang tak cukup atau saya yang tak pandai bahagi masa. Hmm..saya rasa saya tahu jawapannya...heh

Hmm...rasanye tu je la yang bother me sekarang. Takde la membebankan tahap mana pun. Saje je konon2 banyak benda nak fikir. Padahal, I think ia hanya menggunakan seciput sahaja my mental resources...heh.

Oh ye, sekarang ni saya mungkin tak berapa aktif blogging. Susah la nak beronline sekarang. Banyak komitmen lain...especially komitmen sebagai seorang auntie yang dikasihi...muahaha. My daily routines are household chores+driving class+babysit. Asal nak online je, semua empat2 'pengganas' tu sibuk nak terjah my laptop....haish... Though I love blogging, I think I heart them much more. So, I ended up spend my time playing with them, shouting calling their names, sakat2 sampai nangis, bagi makan, mandi, etc. Itulah my routines everyday....at least until uni start in less than 2-weeks time.

Ok la, pen off dulu :)

Salam~

Assalamualaikum W.B.T

Hampir dua minggu saya di sini...di tanah tempat tumpah darah. Tapi, masih banyak perkara yang seakan 'asing' untuk diri saya. Oh, saya tahu, saya 'pergi' bukan lama, tapi tempoh itu sudah cukup untuk buat saya rasa 'terasing' di bumi sendiri. Oh, jangan juga terlalu mudah membuat penilaian tentang diri saya. Saya bukan membuat kesimpulan membabi-buta. Tapi sejujurnya, itulah yang saya rasakan saat ini. Mungkin, saya hanya perlukan sedikit masa lagi untuk menyesuaikan diri. Dan memang itu yang selayaknya untuk saya sekarang kerana ini memang tempat saya...dulu, kini dan selamanya :)

Biar saya rumuskan beberapa perkara yang masih menjadi 'masalah' untuk saya:

(1) My body and skin - Oh, kulit saya memang terlalu sensitif. For the time being, I have rashes especially on the face. Mungkin, saya tak biasa lagi berpeluh so that everytime I am sweating, badan jadi gatal2. Solution, everytime I sweat badly, I have to take shower...have to. And I think the ichiness is caused by the pollen from oil palm trees gak kot. I don't know but this is, according to mom, could be a cause too. Hmm...mengada kan. Duduk kampung sejak sekian lama but alergy towards the pollen of oil palm trees. I hope that this won't harm me any further....insyaAllah.

(2) Money esp. coins - I have problems dealing with coins because OZ coins and Malaysian coins differ in terms of sizes. RM 0.50 = AUD 0.20, RM 0.20 = AUD 0.20, RM 0.10 = AUD 0.05 -all in terms of size. Pernah sekali kat Econsave, the cashier asked for RM0.40 but I ended up gave her RM0.90. Oh, malu rasanye.......ceh! So for now, everytime I want to use coins, I have to carefully look at the value stated on each of them. Sangat kekok but I bet over time, I'll be ok. I knew this is a very minor thing but imagine, mana ade orang dok perhati nombor on the coin before making any payment. Usually, I just took it off from coin purse based on its size je...or maybe it just me kot :)

(3) The people - Entahlah, I am not sure whether I have changed or the people a.k.a society in general. Maybe, both are true. Currently, I am attending driving class (huh? just doing it? YES!) and I met various types of people...mostly fresh school leavers. Yes, they are 17 and I am 22...the number does matter for it could be the reason why we 'think' and 'behave' differently. But, somehow, seeing them, observing them, I feel like I have missed a lot of things. I really feel like a stranger. It's difficult to describe here...but frankly speaking, sometimes I feel lost. I feel like I don't belong to my own people. This is the time when I really wonder if age was the only factor that made me feel isolated or was it because of the different attitude I used to see among Australians in general. I don't know.

I guess 3 are enough for now. I am not here to comment nor criticizing. I just tell what I feel...at least for now...and I bet in few more days...or weeks...or months...things will change or my perception at least.

Okay, till I crap again in next entry...daa.

Salam~

Assalamualaikum W.B.T

Hi everyone!! Sashiburi mina-san!!
Lama sangat tak blogging nih ;)

Btw, saya dah selamat tiba di tanah air (cewah) on the 12 December @ around 9.20 p.m. camtu.
Most my family members datang jemput....termasuklah Kak Falin yang setia menanti Krispy Kreme ituh...huhu (pss...akak nnti saya upload d pic eh)

Skrg ni still dalam proses readjustment...got few things to be settled first.
So, entry ni sekadar saying hi, indicating that I am still alive...heh :P

Okay, gtg.
I'll be back with proper entry once I am mentally and physyically ready eh.

Salam~