first phase: I barely made it through. alhamdulillah.

second phase: struggling...

third phase: Allahu a'lam

I thought it's easy. Then only  I realized many things are just very idealistic on the surface.

But I keep believing, 

"Mesti boleh buat, cuma kena kuat dan lebih kuat".

"Jangan dikira berapa banyak air mata yang tumpah...sebab itu bukan ertinya kalah".

"Nak menang memang tak mudah, yang penting jangan mengalah".

Along the way, I only learnt the meaning of "syukur".

I don't know how's life gonna be should I am not a Muslim.

The thought of it always makes me feel so honoured. and again I cried :')

Thank you Allah. Thank you Allah. Thank you Allah. 

Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal~

And again, it's a plain lie if I said I don't feel anything about it.

takut.risau.sedih.keliru.kecikhati.feelinsignificant - are parts and parcel of life this one year.

But again, I keep believing,

"I am doing this for HIM. So, I should not feel worried of anything. 

HE's the one, choosing me to lead this path. 

So, I believe that HE'll protect me, HE'll guide me 

and HE'll make me happy...even if it's not here...later in jannah...in sya Allah."

So, to the 90d2dWnM, Fighting!! 

You can do it babeh!!

Allah kan ada (like what I always told chacha)

ingatkan sempoi je bila takde dream wedding.
tapi bila fikir2...susah gak.
jenuh gak nak fikir and decide few things in a very short period of time.
oh, tisu kelabu..silalah berfungsi dengan cemerlang!!
time is ticking!! fuhh!!

anyways, it's challenging yet interesting :P
yolah tu!! *fewslapsontheface*

semakin hari semakin susah

aku semakin lemah

nah, mencari syurga memang payah

kerana ia terlalu indah

terlalu gah!!

*****

aku yang dulumya tercari-cari cinta

selalu memikirkan kenapa tak jumpa-jumpa

akhirnya diizin ketemu DIA

aku bahagia

dan untuk mengekalkan rasa bahagia

aku berperang bukan sekali dua

hebat sungguh godaan dunia

terkadang buat aku lupa

yang aku cinta cuma DIA

oh Tuhan, 

kuatkan jiwa hamba

yang telah bersaksi dengan 2 kalimah syurga

kekalkan aku atas jalannya

biar aku kembali ke sana

dengan rasa redha penuh dalam dada

*****

In this episode of Love Boat (in conjunction with my birthday celebration giteww..ahaks), I'll share about my tutees and how have I "flourished" with them :)

Frankly speaking, life wasn't easy the first time I got them as tutees. The reasons being: I've spent 6 months getting-to-know the first group. Mind you, that period itself was a struggling period for me. I've to juggle between adapting myself with the environment in Terengganu, with the fact that I am not a teacher but a lecturer, with the fact that my colleagues are way knowledgeable and experienced, with the fact that I have to take care of 33 adults students yadda yadda yadda. With so many things to cope during the first year, alhamdulillah I barely survived my first year here. (I think)

But then, in 2011, THEY decided to reshuffle the classes. Nah, new tutees!! (arghh, susah kot!!) I was dumbfounded when I first looked at the new list. Some are known to me. Some are total strangers. Again, the first year with them was not easy. I could not handle them well. For me, it's a group of people with different traits and personalities. Very different that it creates a continuum. If the first group is difficult, this one is even more. The proof: I cried a lot in my prayers, asking Him for the strength to face every single challenge, to soften their hearts to make me accepted, heard and followed (in some ways). 

Praise be to Him. Indeed, God is great! I never expect such challenge have made me a better, stronger, and happier person.

So many things we did together and those memories are things I could never forget. Here's just a few that I could list.

Birthday prank in 2011 and also a special video :) #habisberbedaksatubadan

Picnic by the beach, eating and playing #picnicdalamhujan

Bullet's Sphere, sharing stories and reminders, reciting Quran #sejukhati

Cool Bullets #semangatkamikazegiteww

BIG in Tabika Banggol!! #glamer uols

Cake and graduation gift for me #terharu

and many more...

For me, it's not what I did with them that matters, but the lessons learnt throughout the journey.

That's very priceless.

And to my kids, here's a special dedication for you, sincerely from the heart :)

(code switching mode is activated. rasa tak feel giteww tulis fully in English...certain things need to be expressed in a more "poyo" mode...ahaha)

Anak-anakku sayang...

denganmu, 

Tuhan mengajar aku erti cinta...

cinta mulia...

bukan cinta buaya :P

denganmu,

Tuhan mengajar aku erti kasih...

kasih sesama hamba...

lambang manifestasi kasih kepada Pencipta...

denganmu, 

Tuhan mengajar aku erti sayang...

memberi tanpa mengharapkan balasan...

cukuplah dengan titipan rasa tenang...

anak-anakku,

terima kasih atas kesempatan waktu...

yang kau beri untuk mengajar aku...

erti perjalanan hidup seorang perindu...

anak-anakku,

hanya satu pintaku...

izinkan aku terus belajar erti cinta, kasih dan sayang darimu...

selagi di izin Tuhan...

moga nantinya...

walau terbatas jarak dan jua waktu...

kita mampu saling mengutus doa...

tanda redha-Nya kita pada sebuah pertemuan suci jiwa-jiwa yang sejahtera...

tulus ikhlas,
bonda :)

*****************************
And yeah, they keep asking for daddy! 
I guess they feel annoyed already...with me bugging them around. 
No daddy means more time I have to bug their life :P
With daddy around, maybe I'll bug them less.
Maybe, that's the reason why they keep asking for daddy :')

The truth it, mummy wants her daddy too but who on earth would want a single mom of 32 kids...hahaha :P
In sya Allah, we plan things but God is indeed the best of all planners.
******************************

To all, my warmest regards to your beloved parents.
Tell them that I could not thank them enough for raising such wonderful kids that would shine the world in their own way...in sya Allah

Take care.
Be great, Be grateful :)

"I am not romantic you know. I never was"

That's Charlotte Lucas's lines in Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen :) Though I am not into literature (errk), I could never forget the lines that were repeatedly chanted by Salina, my roommate in IPBA back then. Yes, to a certain extent, I am NOT a romantic-type of person. But, I learnt that sometimes, true feelings should be expressed too...before it's too late ;)

Yesterday was just another day. But it means a lot to me. It's my 26th birthday!!  To say that nothing special happened to me on that day was just a lie. Many things happened. 

With "the Salma", a friend - cum - collegue - cum - sister - cum - advisor - cum -wedding.planner(opps!!) - cum - reflection.partner - cum - everything.one.could.ask.for, we went to few places: JAKEL - Pantai Batu Burok - Tailor - Herbaline - Bus Terminal - Secret Recipe - Tutti Fruti. Oh, it's really another session of girls - day - out - cum - Bachelor Party (ahaks..perasan!!). 

Thanks Salma. Not only for yesterday but the whole period of time we've been through together. 

Yes, I would never deny the fact that people come and go in our life. But, I also believe that that's not a coincidence. Everything has been planned by the Lord. And I could not thank Him enough for sending you in my life. 

Technically, we are very different. Yet, Allah gives us the chance to understand each other. 

With you, I reflected a lot in my life. 

With you, I learnt how differences could complement people.

With you, I learnt to do things I never did in my life.

With you, I learnt how strong one's emotion could be developed given a strong support from the environment.

and there's a lot more that I failed to express here but strongly feel deep inside my heart.

Praise be to Him for the chance given to meet you in my life.

I don't know how long we will be together and how the relationship will be in the future, 

but no matter how things will be in the future, I just want to record the present so I would not forget that you are one of my teachers in my "Sekolah Cinta".

Jazakillah Khairan Kathira ukhti.

For whatever kind of life you'll lead in the future, be it sweet, sour, easy or difficult, I pray that Allah will shower His neverending blessings to you, on you. May you be strong and would not forget the real purpose for us being here, on the Earth. May we meet again in Jannah....in sya Allah...ameen... 

"Manusia menjadi hamba kepada apa yang dicintainya."

Marilah meletakkan cinta di tempat yang benar sejak dari mula.

Takut tersalah menzahirkan sifat hamba,       

yang selayaknya hanya kepada Dia.

Sepenuhnya.

Tidak pernah dalam hidup saya, ada orang selain keluarga terdekat dan sahabat yang rapat menghantar saya ke lapangan terbang.

 Dan perkara ini berlaku setelah saya bergelar seorang PENDIDIK.

Alkisahnya, gara-gara 'ditinggalkan' sendirian oleh dua orang sahabat baik yang ke Kuantan atas urusan kerja, saya dengan rendah hatinya telah meminta jasa baik anak murid saya untuk menghantar saya ke lapangan terbang. (Oh, inilah untungnya mengajar pelajar-pelajar dewasa kerana mereka sudah punya lesen kereta malah sudah membawa kereta ke kolej...*heaven gitu*). Memandangkan pelajar-pelajar saya sedang menduduki peperiksaan pada minggu tersebut,saya telah mengajukan permintaan secara umum atau terbuka kerana tidak pasti siapakah yang betul-betul sanggup menunaikan permintaan saya itu. Dan pada hari saya mengajukan permintaan tersebut, kesemua mereka nampaknya menyatakan kesanggupan mereka dan saya pun beredar dengan perasaan yang lega (Ok, satu masalah sudah selesai *grin*)

Sehari sebelum hari penerbangan, saya sekali lagi menghantar sms, ingin meminta kepastian akan siapakah sebenarnya yang akan menghantar saya ke lapangan terbang. Watak  X merupakan orang pertama yang membalas, menyatakan kesudiaanya itu. Dan saya pun rasa "OK". Beberapa jam selepas itu, watak Y pula membalas sms dimana dia turut menyatakan jawapan yang sama.

Dan inilah antara respond saya terhadap sms-es itu:

Miss A: O..ok. Now, I wonder who exactly will send me to the airport. Is it you, him or both?

Y : Bukan 2 miss tapi 3.

Miss A: OMG...like seriously??

*Dang* Sekarang ini ada 3 kereta nak hantar saya ke airport. Dan saya memang *speechless*. Tak tahu nak cakap apa. Sebenarnya, saya risau. Mereka sepatutnya ulangkaji untuk exam. Tapi sekarang, terasa seperti menyusahkan pula. Nak menolak, takut ada yang berkecil hati. Maka, saya biar sahaja mereka dengan plan mereka. Mereka kan anak2 saya...hak3..

Maka, kami 3 kereta pun bertolak ke airport. Tanpa saya sangka, ada sekumpulan pelajar perempuan telah menanti di sana. "And now, it makes 4 cars!!!"  And the best part was, my 2 darlings pun datang juga ke airport walaupun baru saja sampai dari Kuantan "OMG...OMG...serious I feel like Makcik Kiah nak pergi haji". Terharu nih ='))

Jujur saya katakan, perasaan pada waktu itu sangat priceless. Saya tak tahu apa niat sebenar mereka beriya2 menghantar saya ke airport...tapi apapun alasan mereka, saya dapat merasakan ia suatu bentuk penghormatan yang tak pernah saya bayangkan selama ini. 

Hatta pegawai lapangan terbang pun tertanya2 adakah saya ini seorang guru yang akan bertukar memandangkan begitu ramai yang menghantar di pintu balai berlepas. Hakikatnya, saya hanya pulang bercuti seminggu....adoii...

Apa2pun tarikh 9 March 2011 memang suatu kenangan yang tak dapat saya lupakan. Terima kasih kepada watak2 yang terlibat di lapangan terbang. Kepada yang tiada di tempat kejadian, saya tahu hati kalian juga turut mendoakan berdasarkan sms yang saya terima.

Saya tak pasti apakah keadaan seperti ini akan berlaku lagi...

Tapi apa yang pasti ia PERNAH berlaku dalam hidup saya...

Maka, saya ucapkan TERIMA KASIH kerana mencipta memori itu untuk saya =))

Assalamualaikum W.B.T

My first year of teaching has been a very prosperous year for me. I learnt a lot from the experience especially from each and every individual that I dealt with every single day. And before the new semester commences  soon, I think it would be a great idea if I were to record my experience and feelings dealing with those SPECIAL people in my life as educator.
 

orientation week...everyone looks so kudus...hmm =P

Okay, let me start with this "one-and-only-TESL3" group. Technically, they are my tutees (read: they still are  at the moment until God decides otherwise..huhu) and of course I am their tutor.  FYI, totur-tutee is more like mentor-mentee, class teacher-students...things like that. Actually, I have no idea what kind of role a tutor assume because those days,when I was a teacher trainer, I dont really bother about this mentor-mentee thing. All I know is my mentor should be keeping all my records, certificates, forms whatever and I were to get his/her signature if anything. That's the only schemata I had about it. But then, upon reading this one particular book about tutorship provided by HEP, I was really struck by this phrase "tutor sebagai ibu bapa angkat". OMG, what kind of job is this? I have yet to get married and now I am assuming parents roles...well done!! hahaha (read: obviously this is a fake laugh...heh)

berjimba@Lata Belatan...amboi..sakan btul dorg nih..heh~

Okay, let me tell you this. Being a tutor to 18/19 years old teenage is a very  interesting experience I should say. I have 33 "kids" to be taken care of and I do not know if I did things well. I can't even take care of my one and only brother who is about the same age as them and now nahh...33...read: thirty three. Obviously,  as a teacher, I had faced even larger group than that. But as a tutor, this is my very first experience and I tell you, it's a totally different situation. DIFFERENT!!

raya@beloved KDRI...haha

Somehow or rather, I feel this is some kind of a BLESSING from God. To teach them, to get to know their backgrounds, characteristics and personalities, to motivate and advice them, to listen to  their problems  and concerns, to share stories and spend time with them...everything...everything feels so priceless to me. At times, I really feel like I am their mother (OMG, how I feel so "old" talking about this...heh). The thing is, whenever something happened to them, like having fever, being sick and thus needed to be hospitalized, getting injured when playing sports, being badmouthed by others...I dont know why but I worried like hell (see...it sounded so much like a concern mummy aite...bluekk =P). It's not that I never remind myself that; "come on, they are just your students...STUDENTS!!" but I couldn't help myself from feeling what I feel. I have no idea why I feel so connected with them that I could feel so hurt if people talk bad about them and if they dissapoint me. Yeah, blame my high expectation towards them but this is how this person works. If I considered that person as someone close to me, I would have high expectation towards that person and the best part is, I would assume that person to understand what I expect them to do...too bad...too bad...haha.

random picas we took together (^_^)

One thing for sure, I will definitely remember what I had gone through with them. I do not know if I'd still be their tutor next semester. But whatever it is, I am so thankful for THE opportunity given by God. Not a single minute in my life, I ever regret having them as tutees. I always believe how good or bad things are, the only thing that God wants is for me to experience the best...and I am so grateful for that.

futsal time..and yeay the girls won it!! boys, jgn sdey k...u r still superb to me =D

    
To all my tutees, thank you for the wonderful moments that we shared together. I can't promise I would be the same person that you used to know because PEOPLE CHANGE. The only thing that would not change is the fact that we used to be one happy family before and whatever I did, my actions, words, feelings towards you are real...not fake ;)

annual dinner...tq 4 d cake guys =)

class photo...omg, i'm so stiff..haha~

Salam~