Assalamualaikum W.B.T
I just don’t understand why am I becoming too engrossed in writing recently…
Was it the influence of The Vampire Diaries…I don’t know…haha
But, if I could recall it clearly, actually I’ve started writing 8 years ago…that time I was in a boarding school…
It’s the first time I’ve been ‘kept’ in a place where I’ve got to be very careful as to whom I could ‘share’ stories…
There are some stories that you could just tell anybody and there are certain things that you have got to be picky as to whom you could reveal things and to what extent your revelation should be..
And that act could trap you as well because you can’t afford to know everybody inside out…so, you could have made a wrong decision…
Solution: I wrote things…things that I angry about, I am not satisfied with…anything….
But, I realized one disadvantage of keeping a diary…what if people happen to ‘find out’ and read things… couldn’t it be a disaster?
So, every time when I finished ‘expressing’ my what-so-ever-feelings, I would tear that piece of paper and get rid of it…
At least, I feel better because I have let things out of my mind, my inner soul…so, it’s less burdensome I guess…
I stopped writing for quite some time…
And I started again…maybe a bit more serious when I was in Sydney back in 2007…3 years ago I guess…
Yeah, people call me ‘jiwang’ or whatever the term is...but, do I care?
I just need a channel to put down my thoughts, my feelings and anything I feel like sharing…
OMG, I couldn’t keep everything to myself…because my mind and my heart have limited capacity…
So, there are things that I keep inside and there are some that I need to let go to at least provide some space for the upcoming ‘things’…
There, one way is to keep a journal…at least you can keep track of it…some kind of an archives I should say..haha
That’s the reason why I blog…
Previously, I used to make it public…
That’s why I never write things bluntly…
I consider my audience…I’ve to be or pretend to be someone whose EQ is of ‘moderate’ level…
But now, after what happened, I don’t think I could make it public anymore…
I am so hurt that it’s hard for me to trust people anymore…at least for now…
I have started becoming skeptical…over so many things…
I know exactly that this isn’t good…but I guess it’s just a reaction towards what happened…
I really wish I could get over it soon…I hope so
As much as I hate to remember things, I just couldn’t forget it…at least that easily…
Whatever I did or of think of, I don’t know but my brilliant mind would always make this kind of connection to continuously reactivate my schemata of it…
And every time the thought came across my mind, I would feel hurt…
I don’t know how long would it take for me to be fully recovered but I really wish Allah will help me get through this…
Perhaps, my soul is empty right now that Allah gave me this test…
Yeah..maybe…
At least that’s what I choose to think…
I think I just want to start fresh…anew…
Maybe, I am ignoring things… but, that’s what I choose to do…
I hope there’ll be no regret…
Yeah, maybe I am a coward…because I didn’t try…
But can I just choose not to try…
I hope no one would pressure me…
Because I just do not like doing things that is not me…
I hope this is the best…
Allah, please guide me…
Salam~
I just don’t understand why am I becoming too engrossed in writing recently…
Was it the influence of The Vampire Diaries…I don’t know…haha
But, if I could recall it clearly, actually I’ve started writing 8 years ago…that time I was in a boarding school…
It’s the first time I’ve been ‘kept’ in a place where I’ve got to be very careful as to whom I could ‘share’ stories…
There are some stories that you could just tell anybody and there are certain things that you have got to be picky as to whom you could reveal things and to what extent your revelation should be..
And that act could trap you as well because you can’t afford to know everybody inside out…so, you could have made a wrong decision…
Solution: I wrote things…things that I angry about, I am not satisfied with…anything….
But, I realized one disadvantage of keeping a diary…what if people happen to ‘find out’ and read things… couldn’t it be a disaster?
So, every time when I finished ‘expressing’ my what-so-ever-feelings, I would tear that piece of paper and get rid of it…
At least, I feel better because I have let things out of my mind, my inner soul…so, it’s less burdensome I guess…
I stopped writing for quite some time…
And I started again…maybe a bit more serious when I was in Sydney back in 2007…3 years ago I guess…
Yeah, people call me ‘jiwang’ or whatever the term is...but, do I care?
I just need a channel to put down my thoughts, my feelings and anything I feel like sharing…
OMG, I couldn’t keep everything to myself…because my mind and my heart have limited capacity…
So, there are things that I keep inside and there are some that I need to let go to at least provide some space for the upcoming ‘things’…
There, one way is to keep a journal…at least you can keep track of it…some kind of an archives I should say..haha
That’s the reason why I blog…
Previously, I used to make it public…
That’s why I never write things bluntly…
I consider my audience…I’ve to be or pretend to be someone whose EQ is of ‘moderate’ level…
But now, after what happened, I don’t think I could make it public anymore…
I am so hurt that it’s hard for me to trust people anymore…at least for now…
I have started becoming skeptical…over so many things…
I know exactly that this isn’t good…but I guess it’s just a reaction towards what happened…
I really wish I could get over it soon…I hope so
As much as I hate to remember things, I just couldn’t forget it…at least that easily…
Whatever I did or of think of, I don’t know but my brilliant mind would always make this kind of connection to continuously reactivate my schemata of it…
And every time the thought came across my mind, I would feel hurt…
I don’t know how long would it take for me to be fully recovered but I really wish Allah will help me get through this…
Perhaps, my soul is empty right now that Allah gave me this test…
Yeah..maybe…
At least that’s what I choose to think…
I think I just want to start fresh…anew…
Maybe, I am ignoring things… but, that’s what I choose to do…
I hope there’ll be no regret…
Yeah, maybe I am a coward…because I didn’t try…
But can I just choose not to try…
I hope no one would pressure me…
Because I just do not like doing things that is not me…
I hope this is the best…
Allah, please guide me…
Salam~
2 comments:
hehe
nande
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